Have you ever heard of the 5 Love Languages? Gary Chapman introduced us to this idea with his book about the 5 ways people primarily give and receive love. He described how people tend to show and accept love through words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch. After his initial book, he wrote others targeting the love languages of marriage, the love languages of your children, and more. Relationships have been revolutionized as a result of this concept of giving and receiving love in specific ways. As we learn to communicate and express love to our spouse, our children, our parents, our friends in the unique ways they feel loved most, we are able to develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with them.
I use to think my love language was words of affirmation. I "need" people to tell me in some form or another, "Good job," or "Way to go," or "Thank you," or "I really appreciate you." That's how I best RECEIVE love.
However, I GIVE or SHOW love primarily through acts of service and/or gifts. I enjoy helping people. I like to take note of what they say, how they might be feeling, what they might need. Then, I write a little note or drop off a cup of coffee or offer to watch their kiddos or something that would encourage them.
Since being married, I have come to appreciate quality time and physical touch, both of which are my husband's love languages. Since he best receives love in these ways, I have come to SHOW him love by spending time with him. Usually we are enjoying time outside (something we both thoroughly like) or relaxing on the couch and watching a TV show after our children are in bed.
Now that I am a mom, I have also learned to show each of my 3 girls love in unique ways, the ways they best receive it. My oldest daughter is 4 years old and seems to feel most loved when you spend time with her. Physical touch also seems to be important to her. She will snuggle right up next to you, lock her arm in yours, and listen to you read books for hours on end. We also enjoy baking and making crafts together. My middle daughter is 2 years old and also seems to receive love primarily through quality time. She does not, however, like to sit still. So, when I spend time with her, I am up and moving non-stop as we may build a tower then read a book then dance a silly dance and then color a picture (all the in span of 5 minutes). My youngest daughter is just 7 weeks old, and my husband and I joke that her love language is milk since she is nursing every 2-3 hours throughout the day! :)
I think it's imperative to try to understand those you love and then show them you love them in the way(s) they best receive that love. As I get older, I am not only learning more about others, but about myself as well.
Hence, I have recently realized I have a new love language, one Gary Chapman didn't write about in any of his books. You see, I believe that I receive love through HEALTH. Yep, it's the 6th love language. At least in my opinion!
I value my own health, of course, and do everything I can personally do to help my body function to its full capacity. I eat right and exercise. I don't smoke or chew tobacco. I don't drink very often. I try to use natural cleaning products and personal care products too. If it's healthy, I try to do it.
I also extremely intentional about doing everything I can to ensure my family's health. I cook our meals from scratch. We eat primarily fruits and veggies and lean meats. I try to teach my children how to make good choices when it comes to snacks and drinks throughout the day. I also play with my children and make "exercise" fun for them. I want them to know how important being active is to our health and teach them from a young age how enjoyable that can be! Bottom line is I want to do everything in my power to keep my family healthy and strong. I know that we aren't invincible, that we will still get sick, that bad things can still happen to us. BUT, I can still invest in our health on a daily basis. It's actually one way I am telling my family I love them. I value them and want them to be around for a long time. I want to enjoy spending time with them and make memories with them, for years and years to come. I know that good health is a key factor in making that happen. And so I show them love by taking care of myself and helping them do the same.
So, I GIVE love through health.
I absolutely RECEIVE love through health as well. When my husband works out, he doesn't say, "Babe, because I love you I am going to go to the gym and run and lift weights." He doesn't have to open his mouth; his actions speak volumes. When he makes a smoothie for lunch or chooses to have a salad or takes his vitamin, he doesn't stop between bites to say, "Honey, I love you." Again, he doesn't have to. Just by investing in his health, I KNOW he loves me. When we play volleyball together or go on a family bike ride or walk or play at the park with the girls, I am receiving his love. He's showing me that he wants to be around for a long time, that he wants to get the most out of life, with me by his side. He speaks my love language.
The opposite is true as well. When someone I love and care about doesn't invest in their health, without meaning to do so, it's as if they are telling me they don't love me. By choosing to overeat or by eating unhealthy foods that aren't good for them (on a regular basis - everyone can have a special treat occasionally), it's as if they are telling me potato chips or a second helping of spaghetti or a bowl of ice cream is more important to them than I am. I fully realize this is not their intention, but it is how I interpret their actions. When someone I love doesn't find or make the time to exercise (even just a little bit, in whatever way they like), it's as if they are showing me they don't have time for me. If someone I love has a health condition, that worries and upsets me. I fear they won't be around to watch my children grow up, that they won't be able to enjoy special times with them and make memories with the girls. I also hate that poor health prevents them from being able to do certain activities or participating in various things we as a family enjoy (like hiking or canoeing or riding horses or ziplining). And so I want those I love to choose to invest in their health. This is hard for me, though, because ultimately it's their choice, not mine. I can't force them to eat right, to exercise, to be healthy. They have to decide for themselves to do those things. And when they do, it's as if they are shouting at the top of their lungs, "I love you!" When they don't, well....
Yesterday was a good day. My heart was full as two of the people I love most spoke my love language invested in their health and made it a priority.
I don't know if health is a legitimate love language or not, but the idea was on my heart so I thought I would share why I am so passionate about health -- mine and others alike. As I work to be healthy myself, I am really showing my family and friends that they are important to me, that I love them and want to spend as much time with them as possible. I hope they receive it that way!!! When I do my "job" and help others invest in their health, I see it as helping them show their family and friends how much they love and value them.
Now, I would love to hear from you. What's YOUR love language? Do you speak health like me, or do you have another unique way of showing and receiving love? I would truly love to hear what you have to say about this topic of communicating love to others in non-traditional ways.
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